Sports Chuckles

Here's something sports fans will appreciate! This was forwarded from Margaret Mathis.

#1. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas '
----Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

#2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' ---Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' -----Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' ----Joe Namath / Alabama

#5. 'Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' ---Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' -----Bear Bryant / Alabama

#7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' ------Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' ---Woody Hayes / Ohio State

#9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.'
-----Bob Devaney / Nebraska

#10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' ----Wally Butts / Georgia

#11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.'
---Paul Dietzel / LSU

#12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' ----Bear Bryant / Alabama

#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.'
-----Lou Holtz / Arkansas .

#14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' -------Bear Bryant / Alabama

#15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.'---- Matty Bell / SMU

#16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' ---Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' ---------Alex Karras / Iowa

#18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' ---Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

#19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' ----Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' ---Shug Jordan / Auburn

#21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' ---Darrell Royal / Texas

#22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' ---Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' ---Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' ---Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

#25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' ---Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' ---Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' ---John McKay / USC

#28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.' ----Murray Warmath / Minnesota

#29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' ---Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' ---Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' ---Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' ---Darrell Royal / Texas

#33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' --- Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School

#34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad. ---Darrell Royal / University of Texas

#35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.'
---Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#36. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.' ---John Heisman / Georgia Tech