A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor's office.
The doctor asks her what's wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?
"Oh, that's easily explained. For the past six months," the wife says, "I've been taking a cab to work every morning. I don't have any money. The cab driver asks me, 'Are you going to pay today, or what?' So, I take an 'or what'."
"Then, when I get to work," she continues, "I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?'
So, I take an 'or what'. I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, 'So, are you going to pay this time, or what?' Again, I take an 'or what'.
So you see, doc, by the time I get home I'm all tired out and don't want it anymore."
"Yes, I see," replies the doctor. "So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?"
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'
The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.'
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles, chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. '
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC, shut them all up when he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
A cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water.
His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.
She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie. "You know how I work..... You have three wishes."
"I'm not falling for this," said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie."
"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK! I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink"
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare e gold coins and precious gems.
"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says....
"I wish that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
He was turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story . . . . . .
If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached!