Sunday, October 11, 2009

It's About Time!

It's about time; it really is!  Except it's actually about the lack of time.

For over a year, I have maintained three blogs.  Lately two of them have gone lacking, including this one. 

For a while at least, I'll do all of my posting on one site, EX Marks the Spot.  This one is not closing down forever (as far as I know at  this point.)

Hope you'll visit EX Marks the Spot for a mixture of humor, politics, information, motherhood, ramblings and more!


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

Ear Hair?

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.

He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."



Thanks to Betty Jo for sharing this!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Putting Your Affairs in Order!!!!




The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said,'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'


The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.


'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So,let's head to the club and have a martini.'


After 3 or 4 martinis,the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.


They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'


The friend s were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.


After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'


'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'


And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'
~ ~ ~
Thanks to Tony for sharing this!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Blonde in the Bar



A guy orders a beer.

The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.

It hits the blond woman's boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy calls for another beer this happens.

So after his third beer, he decides to help the bartender out. The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts and she decks him!

He is laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why do you let the bartender do it?'

'Duh,' says the blond, 'He has a licker license.

~ ~ ~ Thanks to Penni for sharing!



Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Air Force Pilot

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a
young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the
descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as
possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly
offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh,
that's a good looking baby..and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that
the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's
ears.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion
exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Can You Get Cash for Your Clunker?????


IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull.
But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

CASH FOR CLUNKERS........... YEP! I QUALIFY - How about You?






Thanks to Tony for sharing this!
Update: As noted, the above was forwarded to me via e-mail. There was no attribution. I have received a comment from a person who says she is the author and that copyright notice needs to be displayed. Therefore, here is her info: "c2003 Linda S Amstutz. You can read more by this author at http://anotherlinda.blogspot.com".
My apologies to her that I didn't know of her existence, her authorship, etc.