Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Proper Way to Weigh Yourself

Finally, I've learned the proper way to weigh myself:


I've been doing it wrong all these years!



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Thanks to Margaret for sharing this!

Monday, April 13, 2009

So Much for Computer Technology!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Female customer: A white one...


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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.

Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No...wait a minute.I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk...sorry...


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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?


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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer: Hello...I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates!


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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


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Customer: I have problems printing in red....

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah...thank you.


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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program!

Customer: Oh, sorry.Internet Explorer..


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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


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Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer..

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'


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Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P'...on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!


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Thanks to Dee for sharing these.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Testicle Therapy


Two women were playing golf.

One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men.

He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel?'

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
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Thanks to Penni for sharing this!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Wordless Wednesday: Life with Computers

(For Wordless Wednesday, I'm sharing computer cartoons which were sent to me.)










For more Wordless Wednesday participants, click here.