These are Real, Folks!

The following were forwarded to me as real notes written by parents in the (xxx) school district.
Spellings have been left intact. (There are a few words I wouldn't have used on a post but these are exactly as received.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot..

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. 8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines..

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

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Thanks to Helen for sharing the above.

The Bus Ride

The Bus Ride


Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend trip.


The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on the top level.

The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decided to go up and investigate.



When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles..

The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and said...'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!


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Thanks to Mom for sending this one!

Best. Wedding Entrance. Ever. Just in Case You Haven't Seen This Already!!!!

Best. Wedding Entrance. Ever.

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Life on the Farm????

A farmer got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring farm and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

"Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied. "He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "Is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either. She went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"

"No sir, he went with Mom and Dad."

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."

The boy considered for a moment.

"You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."

Don't Mess With Seniors

A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

He replied, "There's something wrong with my penis."

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong, and I told you."

The receptionist replied, "Now SIR!!! You' ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

"You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone," the man said ...

Then he walked out and waited several minutes before re-entering.

The receptionist smiled smugly and said, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear."

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't pee out of it."

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

The lesson? Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.

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Thanks to Mom for sending this one!

It's Time For A Decision!!!

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "The good news is you've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, and better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five-inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine-incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine-inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five-incher this time, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in this. Making decisions together will help you through this tough time."

The man agrees to talk with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day.

"So," says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"Yes, she has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor

"We're getting granite countertops."

Sam's Argument

Sam was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before.

"But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

"What did she say?" asked his friend.

Sam replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"